I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
