my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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