Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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