We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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