Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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