let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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