She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
