when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
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I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize