between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Found your dick twin last night
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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