Sry I called you an 8
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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