I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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