everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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