Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
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the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
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I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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