His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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