I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
