remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Im part way to drunk.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
