Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
