Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
