After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
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Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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