Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.

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(212): View more from New York

your tears are not going to buy me drinks...

Fav 14 1353 4007
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(512): View more from Texas

He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.

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(314): View more from Missouri

she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this

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(270): View more from Kentucky

No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.

Fav 4 2134 1163
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(802): View more from Vermont

I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.

Fav 2 1293 829
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(408): View more from California

i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track

Fav 8 962 1511
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(734): View more from Michigan

Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.

Fav 2 144 375
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.

Fav 1 72 13
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