I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
