I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
