I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We need a shit load of segways right now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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