I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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