She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
