so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
