a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
