he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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