Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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