This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
