i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The best revenge is premature balding
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
