Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My ATM looks so different sober.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
