I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
from now on my penis is your penis
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
