The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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