he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
God gave him joint rollers for hands
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
