I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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