Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
