u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
