Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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