Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
