I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
