How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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