Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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