Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
