hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
