I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
