I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
