dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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