you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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