Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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