She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
