is your mom at the bar?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
