I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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