Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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