My sheets look like a crime scene.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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