Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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