did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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