i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
