The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Even my vagina gasped.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
