I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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