My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
