Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
