she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
