Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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