Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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