Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
