im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
