he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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