tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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