Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
