FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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