Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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