In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
im on a boat
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