On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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