:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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