new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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