I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
